It's a good thing my Bible is a greyish white colour so you can't see the dust gathering on it at times. Today was one of those days when I had to blow before opening it... Yes, I know I'm a terrible Christian...or am I?? But honestly, it has been a few days since I started the day with God.
I have a whole host of excuses, that really don't stand up when I actually examine them: I've been tired, I'm not properly awake yet, I'll just check facebook or the news first, and the winner... I'll do it later, when I'm more awake/feel like it etc. etc. Well, suprisingly, 'later' never came!
The thing is, I don't know what happened. Last week I was so into my quiet times. My alarm would go off and I almost couldn't wait to grab my Bible and get into God's Word and see what He had to say for the day. And it was such a good week, where things just flowed. I flowed. I was able to be present with people and somehow say the right things at the right times. But it wasn't even about that, it was kind of like a natural outpouring of an inner joy, as far as I can describe it.
Then today happened. A bad day. Nothing major, but more like the kind of day that Daniel Powter sang about. A day where I was just off. My maths lesson was difficult and I had to keep repeating myself because I wasn't explaining things right for the guys. And there were several cringeworthy moments where I would think like five seconds later, 'Did I really just say that?!' In short, I was more like Albert dancing in Hitch! No more of that smoothness, those 'unforced rhythms of grace' that Jesus talks about. I found myself being down about myself. Down about the people around me. Just plain down and miserable by the end of the day.
And then I went to that passage in Matthew 11 and I realised Jesus was calling me to Him again. My excuses couldn't get in the way - he even asks me 'Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out...? Then come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life.' Amazing words! Such a reminder of the value of my quiet times. Of the importance of making that time to connect with Jesus. To learn from him and listen to his quiet and gentle voice. For him to fill my heart and set its rhythm according to His heartbeat. Kind of like Hitch taking Albert back to the basics!
So, Satan, it's going to take much more than just your whispering nudges when I'm half awake to keep me from opening my Bible again. Whether I feel like it or not, I WILL start my mornings with Jesus.
And why? Because every relationship I know of takes work. And it takes those times of just putting yourself aside, and doing that thing that you don't really want to do, for the sake of the relationship between the two of you. And the cool thing is, I'm already looking forward to seeing and celebrating the difference in my life He's going to make!
Do you also struggle with finding that time to connect with God? What works for you?
Some of us (you can make a good guess who I have first in mind!) have found the same pattern you speak about here: Have quiet time, have good day. Do not have quiet time, have bad day. Some of us have years of experience affirming that this holds good. And some of us, just like you, still struggle sometimes, in spite of the weight of persuasive evidence, to maintain that Quiet time consistently. So don't feel bad, you've just fallen into bad company!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, your post is helpful, yes, to me too. Thank you!
Thanks! And I like to think of it as sad company rather than bad company!
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