Why I Don't Teach People to Stop Doing Drugs

I've had a few conversations in the last week around this subject and feel the need to work through and share my (not the) answer in the midst of this battleground.

And battleground it is. Someone once explained to me, using Revelation 18:23, that the words 'sorcery' and 'drugs' come from the same root meaning. Even after only a few years of working with adults and youth on drugs, I have to acknowledge that this is one of the biggest tools the enemy uses to lead people astray. Watching an addict is like seeing someone literally self-destruct; chaotic choices, broken bodies, fragmented families, shattered spirits. Actually, one of the first questions I have for God when I get to heaven, is why did He create and allow drugs when they cause so much wreckage?

So, I am totally against the use of drugs. But, I don't stand up on my soapbox and say all this when I'm with my mentees or the guys at LifeXchange and they're telling me about their plans to get wasted on the weekend, staying up all night and maybe even drinking right through Friday evening to Monday morning. I was sharing this with a friend the other day and she asked me if anyone ever teaches them not to do drugs (or abuse alcohol). My response was No. And here's a few reasons why...

One. When I was growing up, I never saw the point of tidying my room. (Don't worry I'm going somewhere with this...) My mom clearly did see a point, and frequently told (or made) me do it. I can still hear echoes of her voice now, 'How many times do I have to tell you to make your bed/put your dirty clothes away/tidy your desk' etc. etc. But no matter how many times she said it, it never really motivated me to go and do it. Luckily, as a parent she had other ways of motivating me! My argument was always, it's MY room, why do YOU care - just shut the door and don't come in if it offends you?! I'm sure many teenagers out there sympathise with me. And that's how I carried on...UNTIL...I reached the age where I had friends over and we were too 'cool' to hang out in the lounge with everyone else and needed the 'privacy' and sanctuary of my room. Suddenly, clear floor space and a neat bed became very relevant! There was also that one time, when I found the green, spongy remains of an unidentifable food item under a pile of clothes... Again, another very relevant reason for picking up my things and putting them away on a regular basis!! I think you can see my point is the relevant-ness of what is said and the reasons for why I changed my behaviour.

Right now, my mentees are 'having fun' on the weekend. By me telling them not to do what they are planning to do, and clearly want to do, I'm just going to sound like a nagging mom. What I might say is not relevant and clearly isn't going to provide any motivation for them to change.

Two. The speck-plank factor from Matthew 7:4. Before diving in headfirst to point out someone else's wrong behaviour I need to do a little introspection first. Now, it's easy for me to say I don't do drugs so no problem for me to go around telling others not to as well. But, when I look a little deeper into the motivations behind my actions things start getting a lot greyer. I mean, why do people use drugs? Boredom? Peer pressure? Hopelessness? The list goes on. And what do I find myself getting up to in those same situations? While it may not be snorting a line of crack or lighting up a joint, I can't say that I have never followed temptation or made the right choices of what to do every time. So before jumping into judgment mode, I recognise that there are things I need to sort out with my own life and God first. And as I'm going about doing this, I am going to get a lot better at knowing how to help someone else out in a similar situation.

And three. I believe that 99% of people abusing drugs already know that it is not a good thing to do. In fact I would argue that for young adults it's a big part of the reason why they are in that scene in the first place! So, I am pretty much wasting my breath by telling them that they 'shouldn't do that because it's wrong'. I think there is definitely a place for educating people on the harmful and negative effects of drug abuse, however. But again, the relevancy of that needs to be considered for each individual. Otherwise, it will be like water off a duck's back, nothing they haven't heard before, and it 'probably won't happen to them'. (Yeah, don't try to understand the logic in that last one! But since when are all of our choices 100% logical anyway!) For example, another friend told me about a soccer ministry they are involved in and how cool it was to point out to the guys in training the differences in fitness levels based on their smoking habits. <-See, a real life practical reason to motivate them to change their behaviour!

From most people's responses to this issue, I think many people would stop at explaining that doing drugs is wrong and believe that that's enough to help someone change their ways. I disagree muchly. Making someone aware of a weakness or failing is merely the first step of a journey that they need to take on their route to holiness. And I would argue that if you're going to start them on that road, then you need to carry on walking beside them for a few more steps at least...

Right, so that's why I don't tell people to stop abusing drugs. But that doesn't mean I do nothing.

My solution, as with most things these days if you regularly read this blog, is mentoring! For me, mentoring is coming alongside someone and showing them a better way. It's not teaching, it's real life. It's stepping into the messy chaos and walking that journey with someone to try and unravel a little of it. And although today I'm not pointing out the 'very bad/naughty/wrong' choices my mentees might be making, there will come a point when the next step we take together is maybe getting a regular job that requires them to be awake and rested at the beginning of the week. Suddenly, their motivation to make some changes increases. Assuming this job is something that they really want to do!

It's about being real. Not standing up at the front and speaking out against everything that's wrong in the world and with people. That just puts a huge distance between 'us' and 'them'. If I look at Jesus' example, his very first miracle was at a party, where I'm pretty sure there was a lot of drinking and merrymaking. And when he hears that the wine is running out, does he keep himself apart and tell everyone off and explain that it's a good thing? No, in fact, he does the total opposite and provides the very best wine to save the day and make the party that much better!

It makes me think of a colleague who likes to tell the drug dealers in Ocean View that they are aiming too small in their 'business'. They should think national or international drug-dealer-ship! He told me he does it because he wants them to realize that they have so much more potential than what they are settling for in their lives. It's definitely not the usual response the guys get from adults!

I think it's great! Why not inspire them? And as they realize that they have more to offer, I would hope that they would come to the realization that actually they are better than drug-dealer-ship anyway!

But enough of what I think. What do you think? As I said, I don't know much about what using drugs is like, so tell me if you think I'm completely off the mark!

Living in the Now...at 28!

I like to tell everyone that I want to die in my thirties. Like, say, 33 (if it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!*).

And most people react the same way you are right now. I know, it's shocking. Which is partly why I do it.

There are other reasons as well. If I'm being completely honest, the whole getting older thing scares me silly. It's like a slow, downhill decay from 30. I'm already tired. And I've heard that it's only going to get worse. Please realise this is my inexperienced, newly-turned-28-year-old self talking right now, but to me, getting older is like death. A long, drawn out death. And who wants that? Rather go out quickly, with a bang!

And, from my limited experience, people who leave this world before their 'expected' time always have so many tears and wonderful things said about them at their funeral!

Okay, okay. Before you get too worried and start to call the men-in-white, let me tell you that I have been convicted by God about my negative attitude to life here on earth. As much as I long for the completion of God's plans, the new heaven and new earth, days with no more tears, sadness, death, the pure joy of living always in God's presence, seeing Him face to face, being whole and perfect, like Jesus...need I go on?!...my eyes have been opened to all His goodness right here, right now on this earth. The stunning world of His creation that I get to live in, the wonders of His created people and the good they can do, and the comfort and power of His Spirit in me. There is so much to experience and enjoy as part of His 'abundant life' (John 10:10).

And yet, I still wouldn't mind leaving in a handful of years' time! Let me try to explain why with something that happened last week.

The very first person to hire me as a tutor at the beginning of the year has 'fired' me, because they have lost their job. I was sad to hear the news, but it didn't get to me until my actual last session with their son.

Tutoring (and teaching!) is an interesting line of work. You may be expected to work on academic subjects with children, but once you're there at the table in their house, working through their set homework or questions, it's only natural that you start to get to know the children and talk about other things too. They start to tell you about their days, their triumphs and challenges. And you can maybe speak into their lives and help them grow in other ways than just solving maths equations, reading and writing.

So as I was saying goodbye to this 11-year-old boy, I found tears begin to well up and I started realising I wasn't going to have the opportunity to be there for him like I had been. I woke up to the fact that I had been a presence not only in his life, but also his family's life. A family that so desperately needs to know the love of their Father and Saviour.

Now, I had been aware of this before, but in the sense that I thought to myself, 'I'm only the tutor, what can I do?' But why the 'only'? Being the tutor, I was able to be in their home, get to know the family, and be a tiny part of their daily lives. It was a huge opportunity to carry God's love and light into the darkness. And I hope I tried, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make the most of every opportunity. And it was only as that door closed that it brought this all into focus. How precious every moment and opportunity is, because it's the only time they will happen.

You've probably figured out where I'm going with this. It's that moral of the story we all know: how you only start to appreciate something once it's gone. Well, that's why I want to keep my focus on living life, catching every moment and living the potential out of every second that I have here on earth.

But it's so easy to lose sight of this goal. It's like my mind naturally relaxes when I think about the expected decades that I'll be around to do this. So if I miss an opportunity, big deal. There'll be more coming. There's always tomorrow. But no! I want to fight against this apathy and lukewarm-ness.

And that's why I tell myself and everyone else I'm going to die soon.

Still think I'm crazy?!

*And that's not arrogant at all!

It's as easy as...

It's official. I'm finally-in-real-life-wow-this-is-actually-happening mentoring a young person!

I've been talking the talk and now it's time to walk the walk. And after hours of thought, prayer, training and workshops transforming me into the perfect mentor, it's going to go so easily and flawlessly. Said no one ever I bet!

Yeah...so it's not like that. But, it IS exciting to think about what the next two years will bring. How both of us are going to learn and grow...

And it's not that hard to make a difference in someone's life. I mean it. Sometimes we can build up these expectations of who and what we have to be like in order to really help someone. Or even what the help has to look and be like. But that is not the case. Something I learned as I have been more involved with the mentoring side of things at LifeXchange has been eye-opening and freeing to me.

We, at LifeXchange, don't 'thumbsuck', as a colleague likes to say. Our work is based on study and research and evidence-based outcomes. One thing we struggle with in this regard and coming from our approach of holistic life transformation is how do we actually measure change in someone's life? Maybe we have succeeded when they are no longer using drugs? Or no longer part of a gang? Or when they have graduated with their matric? Each of these things will have a completely different meaning and may be a tiny step or a huge mountain that that person has overcome so how can we compare or measure across this spectrum?

Well, looking at the research, the answer is we don't! Instead, we look at the mentor side of things. We have learned that there are just four things that will guarantee that a positive impact has been made on the mentee's life. And we have seen this in the mentoring partnerships at LifeXchange already. I have seen it with my own eyes.

So what are these four things? If you're anything like me you're thinking they're a complex list of items about what the mentor should and shouldn't be doing, having or saying. Well, I'll tell you what they are and you can let me know what you think!

Number 1: Frequency = the more often and regularly a mentor spends time with their mentee, the more impact there will be.

Number 2: Duration = the longer the time a mentor spends with their mentee at each session, the more impact there will be.

Number 3: Consistency = the more the mentor uses the time constructively - following up on previous sessions and setting goals for future, the more impact there will be.

Number 4: Emotional Connection = the more the mentor is involved in the relationship, the more impact there will be. (You can argue that the previous three points will build this point naturally)

That's it. That's all.

I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty simple. I like to bring it down to just two statements. BE THERE and BE PRESENT. All you need to make a difference in someone's life. You don't need to be a perfect person. You don't need to have such and such qualification or all this experience and all that training. You need to make an effort to be there in a person's life, and along with that be present when you are with them. Take an interest, get involved, walk alongside them in whatever they are facing. And this will bring fruit.

In fact, when you think about it, it's as simple as Jesus command: 'Love one another.' (John 13:34-35)

Yeah...so I'm going to take it one step at a time and keep coming back to this to remind myself along the way.

What about you? Can you walk the walk? What's stopping you? Honestly, I want to know - it will help us to understand how to get more mentors...

Mandela Day (Part 2)

Happy Mandela Day everyone! And Happy 95th Birthday Madiba!

With all the talk going around about whether he will be alive after today, and what will happen if he's not, I feel the need to post this article.

"Many middle-class people harbour deep fears that a majority-ruled South Africa cannot prosper."

Just putting that challenge out there to all my fellow South Africans...

Mandela Day (Part 1)

It's Mandela Day tomorrow! AKA Nelson Mandela's 95th Birthday!

And the question everyone's asking is, 'What are you going to do for your 67 minutes?'

For anyone who doesn't know, it's become a tradition that to celebrate Madiba's birthday everyone in the nation is called to give 67 minutes of their time and energy into helping others, i.e. through a project in their community. Don't ask me when or how this tradition came about, or even why it's 67 minutes though!

So, we at LifeXchange asked our guys the question - specifically, what have they noticed as a need in Ocean View that we can do something about? And their answer was... nothing. NOTHING.

Okay, to be fair, after pushing them a bit more to think they did come up with a few unrealistic suggestions (like a soup kitchen to feed everyone!), but clearly their hearts weren't into any of them really.

Now, the fabulous IIE LifeXchange training courses I've just done, tell me that the guys are blinded to the situation in their own neighbourhood. They've got used to seeing the rubbish lying around and young children playing in it, the wasted, passed-out men or boys against gang-graffitied walls, the dying or empty flowerbeds that show previous attempts to pretty up a corner yard, and even the sounds and sights of gunshots and murders on the weekend. Apparently, it only takes three days to get used to anything. You may not accept it, but without even realising it, you no longer notice it.

And, our LifeXchange team working the guys, tells me that it's an image issue. They have a certain reputation they have to keep up as youth in their community. And, while, hopefully, for our guys it's no longer about being in the Bad Boys or Rudeboys  or any of the other gangs, it's still 'not cool' to be seen picking up litter or gardening or things like that.

But, looking into my own heart tells me it's a mindset issue. Example: A while ago I made the decision to give lifts to people (or just women, really) who are needing to hitch a ride in my direction. As a generosity thing. I have a car all to myself - they don't - why don't I help them out? I say this, but in reality I do this very seldom, despite the fact that everyday I pass at least a handful of people along my route to work. So, what's the disconnect? Most times, I'm already passed them before I even think about possibly stopping. I have a lot on my mind as I'm driving, clearly. Kind of like life! So, I have learned that I have to tell myself every time (or those times I'm not already late for something!) I get in the car to look out for people who might need a lift along the way. And so...the same applies to life, I believe. We can say what we like to ourselves, but there's some point when we have to be actively looking or intentional about what reaching out to people to actually make what we say happen.

Whether it's one or all three of these reasons getting in the way, it's still disappointing that the guys came up with nothing to do for tomorrow. Still, we're working on growing generosity in their lives. And in my own life. And it doesn't have to only happen tomorrow! There are loads more opportunities on a daily basis that we can jump into. If we're really looking...

Catching the Beat

It's a good thing my Bible is a greyish white colour so you can't see the dust gathering on it at times. Today was one of those days when I had to blow before opening it... Yes, I know I'm a terrible Christian...or am I?? But honestly, it has been a few days since I started the day with God.

I have a whole host of excuses, that really don't stand up when I actually examine them: I've been tired, I'm not properly awake yet, I'll just check facebook or the news first, and the winner... I'll do it later, when I'm more awake/feel like it etc. etc. Well, suprisingly, 'later' never came!

The thing is, I don't know what happened. Last week I was so into my quiet times. My alarm would go off and I almost couldn't wait to grab my Bible and get into God's Word and see what He had to say for the day. And it was such a good week, where things just flowed. I flowed. I was able to be present with people and somehow say the right things at the right times. But it wasn't even about that, it was kind of like a natural outpouring of an inner joy, as far as I can describe it.

Then today happened. A bad day. Nothing major, but more like the kind of day that Daniel Powter sang about. A day where I was just off. My maths lesson was difficult and I had to keep repeating myself because I wasn't explaining things right for the guys. And there were several cringeworthy moments where I would think like five seconds later, 'Did I really just say that?!' In short, I was more like Albert dancing in Hitch! No more of that smoothness, those 'unforced rhythms of grace' that Jesus talks about. I found myself being down about myself. Down about the people around me. Just plain down and miserable by the end of the day.

And then I went to that passage in Matthew 11 and I realised Jesus was calling me to Him again. My excuses couldn't get in the way - he even asks me 'Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out...? Then come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life.' Amazing words! Such a reminder of the value of my quiet times. Of the importance of making that time to connect with Jesus. To learn from him and listen to his quiet and gentle voice. For him to fill my heart and set its rhythm according to His heartbeat. Kind of like Hitch taking Albert back to the basics!

So, Satan, it's going to take much more than just your whispering nudges when I'm half awake to keep me from opening my Bible again. Whether I feel like it or not, I WILL start my mornings with Jesus.

And why? Because every relationship I know of takes work. And it takes those times of just putting yourself aside, and doing that thing that you don't really want to do, for the sake of the relationship between the two of you. And the cool thing is, I'm already looking forward to seeing and celebrating the difference in my life He's going to make!

Do you also struggle with finding that time to connect with God? What works for you?

Who is this King of Glory?

President Obama came to visit our little corner of the world yesterday.

I vaguely remember reading or hearing something last week about him coming by, but it wasn't until the helicopters flew over our heads that I realised he really was in town! Even cooler, in our neighbourhood!

But I never saw him. I know people who did. Who waited all afternoon for him to drive by. And they got a wave! All I experienced was slow-moving traffic and a very present police force on my drive to church. As in, at least two or three police vehicles and officers at every single junction on the way. Kind of spooky! But also exciting, to see how the whole area was at a standstill for a while. You could feel the hype and anticipation in the air and it caught me up, despite myself!

And then I was in church, singing out 'Hallalujah', when it struck me. The contrast between the visit of one of the present earthly 'kings' and the visit of Jesus, the true King. I stood looking around our smaller-than-usual  (I hope due to being out on mission or holidays rather than out waiting for Mr Obama) congregation and, compared to the eagerness and expectation of where I'd just left, it didn't match up.

As soon as I started comparing, more and more things started standing out to me. Like... all the security and planning going into making sure the US President's route was clear and safe versus Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey. Or even entering this world in a stable. And what about the big limo keeping the President at a distance, while Jesus was right there in the crowds and at the temple, involved with his people. And who knows what or how long the President's power will last, while Jesus has been given all authority on heaven and earth. I could go on...

I'm not saying anything against Obama, or his plans or visit. Or anyone's reactions to it.

But, it would be cool if there was as much excitement for us in our church services, wouldn't it? After all, we actually get to meet with the true King of all eternity! And he doesn't just drive by with a wave. He wants to be intimately involved in our lives. He wants to stop and hear from us about our day. He wants to share in our happiness and little achievements. He wants to carry us through our struggles and temptations. He wants to be in us and with us all the time! HA.LE.LU.JAH!!

Here's to a revival coming from re-realising the AWEsome truth of the King of Glory that we worship; the Son of God AND Son of Man!